Liquidblues's Weblog

Anew?

liquidblues — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:02:16 +0000

I’ve made a couple of mistakes in past internet life and i do regret making them. I ended up having 3 web blogs none of which is truly mine, meaning I can’t really write what i think about my worries and loves etc there without thinking what my readers would say about it. On one hand it’s good as it helps stop writing casual bullshit but on the other I can’t be sincere there.

So i’m back here again.

Imaginary

liquidblues — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:27:43 +0000

I need my own imaginary world back. i do understand that something I was trying to get rid of for so long is badly needed again but I can’t help.

Reality hits. Give me my dreams back.

Unbearable

liquidblues — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:09:14 +0000

I’m such a bore. i truly can’t stand myself today. Well, the most of the days too.

My mobile has been silent the whole day long. Oh God oh God.

a dot. a fullstop. the statement.

liquidblues — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 21:17:03 +0000

On the days like this one, I completely face the reality as it is.

When you don’t know what is going to be with you next, you finally take the world around real.

I’m lonely. Completely lonely.

There’s no one there for me.

Pathetic.

Now listening: Muse – Unintended

Mood: go to hell

I can’t sleep without your breathing, I can’t breathe each time you’re leaving (c)

liquidblues — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 08:43:40 +0000

I hate when things clash. I hate when they gather in a big big ball in my head and try my patience.

I want my happiness next to me. Just to call, to come over, to meet.

I hate this fucking summer i’m spending totally lonely in the city.

I want touches, kisses, tenderness, long nights spent watching the stars. I wanna know that when i open my eyes it’ll be tomorrow and things will be exactly the same. That he won’t have to leave.

I don’t only need, I DEMAND that.

That’s enough for me. Enough.

Now listening: Placebo – Blind ->

If I could tear you from the ceiling
And guarantee a source divine
Rid you of possessions fleeting
Remain your funny valentine

Don’t go and leave me
And please don’t drive me blind
Don’t go and leave me
And please don’t drive me blind

If I could tear you from the ceiling
I know best have tried
I’d fill your every breath with meaning
and find a place we both could hide

Don’t go and leave me
And please don’t drive me blind
Don’t go and leave me
And please don’t drive me blind

You don’t believe me
But you do this every time
Please don’t drive me blind
Please don’t drive me blind

I know I broke it
I know I broke it
I know I broke it

If I could tear you from the ceiling
I’d freeze us both in time
And find a brand new way of seeing
Your eyes forever glued to mine

Internetmania

liquidblues — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 11:30:12 +0000

i do realize that i’m Internet addicted, though I think I would be able to do without it for some time. I’m registered on 2 forums only, have this blog, a page on deviant.art (just for sharing my crappy artwork) and the last.fm profile. And that’s it.

Today one lass from Sweden asked me for my myspace profile. She was very VERY surprised having heard that I have none.

Again a question: where is this world going to if almost every shitty person on this world has got his/her own fucking web-page?

Answer: TO HELL.

Now playing: 30 seconds to Mars – The Kill

Mood: willing to go out

Question mark

liquidblues — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 22:27:51 +0000

As I got the normal stable and (that’s what i like the most about it) unlimited Internet access, I’m downloading almost everything that is at least a bit worth watching/listening to. Well, I got 9 Placebo concerts of different years and the complete 4th season of “Sex and the city”.

I’ve been quite much into the Molko’s voice lately and I keep being mesmerized by the way this short jackass with tons of make up on his androgynous face opens his damn sexy lips and sings those notes in such a tempting way. Actually, feeling/hearing/watching his voice fuck with my brain was a very amusing thing during long nights spent doing nothing learning.

Talking about Placebo and fucking great and shitty Molko can take me hours, so I slowly move to my next obsession – Sex and the city.

Truly love that series(-al?). Love Carrie. Love Big. Love them together. Went back to downloading the 1st season only because there’s a lot of Big.

Every episode somehow makes my lazy brain think. Today the thought is:

AM I A MARRYING KIND?

I do believe that most of people on this this Earth are not one. But usually they don’t give a fuck about it. Don’t wanna be one of them, so I start contemplating.

Thanks to my actual relationship I discovered that I am worth something even without a man beside me. or a wedding ring. I just feel like belonging only to myself. Not really in the egoistic sense of these words but purely creative one. Anyway I’ll always be different. I think so cause this year (even a half of it, to be precise) has changed me damn much. It has converted me from being a part of a pronoun “us” with non-existing parts ‘i” and “me” into feeling that my own self will be only my own. A question is: can my ‘self’ assimilate in ‘us’ and ‘we’ again?

I’m not a kind of a person of “being physically here and mentally there”. I need the fullness of myself in everything. In relations too. So am this fucking marrying kind?

Few words about what changed me so much. Non-understanding. Keeping acid inside. Feeling pain and anger. Being torn asunder inside but looking perfectly calm.

Well, my relations are alright. I truly love my wonderful boyfriend and I’d do everything for him but I’m quite schizophrenic about myself. I’m divided into two parts: my ‘self’ which is loving and caring but very vulnerable and can be easily destroyed and the other one – itchy-bitchy ‘self’ which always achieves the goal and is on top but is very cynical and skeptical.

Which one to win?

Now listening: Placebo – Narcoleptic

Mood: alarmed

P.S. How great that no one can read this.

Yahoooo!!!!!!!!!!

liquidblues — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 21:30:38 +0000

Russia’s lost to Spain.

I’m drunk like hell.

This evening couldn’t be any better.

Pure morning

liquidblues — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 10:24:02 +0000

Sometimes I truly hate to get up, even if I was sleeping like a baby and feel totally alright. I HATE mornings. I can stand neither getting up early nor sleeping till noon. I always promise myself to go to bed earlier than midnight but I always stay up till 2 am and next morning my head is cracking.

Then I get stuck in front of my pc with all the mess around and i have no desire to go to the bathroom or do anything at all cause i’m so damn sleepy.

The only good thing about morning is hot black coffee with cream and sugar and today’s newspapers online

Now listening: Timo Maas & Brian Molko – First Day (Rock remix)

Mood: alcoholic kind of mood (c)

Goodbye to open sores

liquidblues — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 22:09:35 +0000

If I could, I would change this stupid header of this blog into this phrase. That’s what I’m trying to say to myself and to the world every day. Goodbye to all the cries, lonely nights, fuckwittage and all the sentimental shit which had been bothering me for so long.

I realize, that sounds too loud, but I do need words like that just to deal with my life.

You know, there are people who are meant to be famous, those who are born to be rich and there are also those who are created to be lonely. It doesn’t really matter whether you’re single or married, if you belong to the poor latter group , your loneliness will find you wherever you will go and whoever will be beside you. it’s a kind of a Carrie-Bradshaw-type of a person: pretty, sweet, smart and lonely. Oh, and always longing for someone:

I wish that wasn’t me. I have a boyfriend – a beautiful lover who I love more that my life and would give everything for him. For his soul. For something he never says but what I can always feel. My loneliness is a deathlike feeling which I have every time he leaves. It´s like you just stop breathing.

Maybe it´s not loneliness, what if it’s solitude? Hmmm….

Writing is truly great when you know there are millions of people over here publishing similar shit and no one reads you.

Now listening: Amy Winehouse – Rehab

Mood: I wish I knew what you’re thinking about right now…